it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
