dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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