oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
