You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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