where am i from again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
