drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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