Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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