I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
