No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
