My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
