dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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