well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
