Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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