my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
