We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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