Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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