i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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