I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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