Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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