dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
