This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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