i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
