my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
