Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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