bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
