She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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