we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
