Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
