that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
