Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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