Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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