i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
