I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
whose parrot is this?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
