I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
