You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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