This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
