You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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