Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
