I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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