That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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