I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Even my vagina gasped.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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