On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
