Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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