you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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