he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
