you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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