Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
