my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
