Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
