Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
