I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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