So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
