Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
